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CERN scientists discover elusive Snuffleupagus particle

CERN scientists discover elusive Snuffleupagus particle

Geneva, Switzerland – After years of searching, scientists working with the CERN Large Hadron Collider, the world’s largest particle accelerator discovered the elusive Snuffleupagus particle. Many thought it would take years for the scientists to pinpoint the location of this particle that seemed to always be a few steps ahead of curious scientists. On...
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Farmer dreams of one day shooting an intruder

Farmer dreams of one day shooting an intruder

Farmer Robert J. Brown triple checks the depth of his plow points, sets the pitch of the plows and spaces the tractor wheels appropriately before he begins plowing his corn fields in the morning. Once his detailed routine is complete, his last task is to steer carefully and fantasize about one day shooting an...
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OJ Simpson leads Lovelock inmates to dramatic win against the guards

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Lovelock, NV – Nobody in Perishing County thought this would be the outcome of the annual Lovelock Correctional Center Football Championship game.  During two hours of dramatic football action, a 62-year-old OJ Simpson rushed for 323 yards, scored three touchdowns and threw the game-winning pass in a dramatic 59-55 Inmates’ upset win against the...
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Rest of the litter disgusted by puppy siblings making out

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An entire litter of puppies nearly threw up after witnessing twp puppy siblings making out during a recent park visit. The two puppies had grown close since sharing their mother’s womb a few weeks ago but the relationship had been thought to be just another canine friendship. Nobody in the litter expected something this...
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Infintity wins its infinite ‘Multiplier of the Year’ award

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Infinity broke its own record last night, snatching the Multiplier of the Year award for the infinite time  at the 2009 Multis. “I know a lot numbers don’t want to see me on this stage but this isn’t for them,” said a smiling Infinitas during his acceptance speech. “This award goes out to my...
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Butter hoping to get into the coffee-creamer business

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Fridge – On Saturday, Butter told investors it planned to expand its use to coffee creamers, increasing the production of butter by 3.2%. The cream believes its agitated butterfat will be a wonderful pair with  cup of coffee or possibly tea. “Rather than have cream and butter with your pancakes and coffee, just have...
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