Farmer dreams of one day shooting an intruder

Farmer Brown passing the time by thinking of ways to protect his property.

Farmer Brown passing the time by thinking of ways to protect his property.

Farmer Robert J. Brown triple checks the depth of his plow points, sets the pitch of the plows and spaces the tractor wheels appropriately before he begins plowing his corn fields in the morning. Once his detailed routine is complete, his last task is to steer carefully and fantasize about one day shooting an intruder.

“Around 5:49 AM, the sun touches the east end of the field and the whole place goes from dark to light,” said Farmer Brown. “I used to think about some lowlife taking my gadgets from the house and thinking he could escape in the darkness. Sun comes up and he’s 100 yards from the farm clear as day. It would take four shots before I got my gadgets back.”

Farmer brown had to adjust his fantasy a few months ago after he chained the TV and the VCR to the wall and there is no way anyone could take it out of the house.

“So now I dream of shooting someone trying to sneak into the farm and taking him out before he gets my silverware. Sometimes on Fridays I think about just wounding the intruder and then plowing over him.”

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