Posts Tagged ‘ football ’

OJ Simpson leads Lovelock inmates to dramatic win against the guards

By
Team Captain OJ Simpson walks through some halftime adjustments with his Inmate teammates.

Lovelock, NV – Nobody predicted the Lovelock Correctional Center Football Championship would end like this.  Reno pegged the Inmates as 500-to-1 underdogs in the annual football game against the Guards.  Led by game MVP OJ Simpson, the Inmates proved the doubters wrong by beating the Lovelock Correctional Guards 59 to 55 and finally brought the Lovelocket trophy…

Read more »

Miami University player sprains MCL, expects to attend class 4 to 6 weeks

Miami University player sprains MCL, expects to attend class 4 to 6 weeks

Miami, FL – Coach Shannon gave no timetable for Malcolm Mackey’s return to practice after the outside linebacker sprained his MCL but insiders expected the Miami Hurricane player to attend classes for at least four to six weeks. Fans had feared the injury might force the junior standout to attend Mass Comm 301, Broadcast Journalism…

Read more »

Al Davis falls prey to elderly telephone scam, loses first-round pick

Al Davis falls prey to elderly telephone scam, loses first-round pick

Investigators believe an elderly man fell victim to a trade swindle by a scam artist who identified himself as an NFL coach. The trickster claimed he had a “can’t-miss defensive lineman” that would catapult Davis’ Oakland Raiders into the playoffs, and possibly into the Super Bowl. He suggested Mr. Davis bite on the deal before…

Read more »

Matt Schaub retapes ankle bracelet during game

Matt Schaub retapes ankle bracelet during game

Houston, TX – Texans starting quarterback Matt Schaub quickly retaped his 10K Gold Mirror Heart Anklet during last night’s exhibition game with the Minnesota Vikings. The unisex anklet was rubbing the wrong way on his ankle tape and Schaub described the injury as “extremely uncomfortable.” He picked up at the hospital last year while recovering…

Read more »

Kerry Collins shares WoodStock ’94 stories with teammates

Kerry Collins shares WoodStock ’94 stories with teammates

Nashville, TN – As the Tennessee Titans offense cooled down after an afternoon practice, Kerry Collins shared some personal stories from the music festival Woodstock 94.  “During Green Day, I freaked out,” said an excited Collins. “We threw like 30, 35 mud balls, but still wording every lyric out of Billie’s mouth. We were all…

Read more »

Team doctor diagnoses Tony Romo with shit for brains

Team doctor diagnoses Tony Romo with shit for brains

Dallas, TX –  Team doctors revealed starting quarterback Tony Romo has been suffering the last few  seasons  with shit for brains. The medical personnel said the shit has gradually replaced the basal ganglia part of Romo’s brain. “It’s remarkable he’s come this far,” said Dr. Jack Porter. “Just because you might have shit in your…

Read more »