Atlanta, GA – Paul Melrose may have found the solution to his lack of vocabulary and ability to express thoughts with many different words. Apple approved a new Iphone App that offers users complete mobile knowledge of the Roget’s Thesaurus. Melrose downloaded “Thesaurus for the Rest of Us” app earlier this morning and has...
Brooklyn, NY – Michael McKeon expressed relief after doctors diagnosed the 29 year-old man with rabies rather than a more serious case of werefwolf. Earlier that week, a neighborhood schnauzer named Sammy bit McKeon on his walk home from work. Fearing he would turn into a werewolf by the next full moon, McKeon sought...
Dallas, TX – Team doctors revealed starting quarterback Tony Romo has been suffering the last few seasons with shit for brains. The medical personnel said the shit has gradually replaced the basal ganglia part of Romo’s brain. “It’s remarkable he’s come this far,” said Dr. Jack Porter. “Just because you might have shit in...