Dan Marino’s single-season passing yards record hopes to become irrelevant by the end of the first 18-game NFL season. “I’ve got my fingers crossed,” said the 5084 passing yards set in 1984. “Once the NFL adds two games to the schedule, I’m in the clear. Throw for 6000 yards. I don’t care. All 16-game records…
Lovelock, NV – Nobody predicted the Lovelock Correctional Center Football Championship would end like this. Reno pegged the Inmates as 500-to-1 underdogs in the annual football game against the Guards. Led by game MVP OJ Simpson, the Inmates proved the doubters wrong by beating the Lovelock Correctional Guards 59 to 55 and finally brought the Lovelocket trophy…
PHILADELPHIA — Following a talk with a group of students about his personal failures, dog-fighting and animal rights, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick took time to scout some of the local talent for a potential child-fighting ring. The QB sat on the bleachers of Nueva Esperanza Academy and observed the child-fighting skills of some of…
Investigators believe an elderly man fell victim to a trade swindle by a scam artist who identified himself as an NFL coach. The trickster claimed he had a “can’t-miss defensive lineman” that would catapult Davis’ Oakland Raiders into the playoffs, and possibly into the Super Bowl. He suggested Mr. Davis bite on the deal before…
Houston, TX – Texans starting quarterback Matt Schaub quickly retaped his 10K Gold Mirror Heart Anklet during last night’s exhibition game with the Minnesota Vikings. The unisex anklet was rubbing the wrong way on his ankle tape and Schaub described the injury as “extremely uncomfortable.” He picked up at the hospital last year while recovering…
Nashville, TN – As the Tennessee Titans offense cooled down after an afternoon practice, Kerry Collins shared some personal stories from the music festival Woodstock 94. “During Green Day, I freaked out,” said an excited Collins. “We threw like 30, 35 mud balls, but still wording every lyric out of Billie’s mouth. We were all…
Dallas, TX – Team doctors revealed starting quarterback Tony Romo has been suffering the last few seasons with shit for brains. The medical personnel said the shit has gradually replaced the basal ganglia part of Romo’s brain. “It’s remarkable he’s come this far,” said Dr. Jack Porter. “Just because you might have shit in your…
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